Everyone is entitled to have a funeral whether they have been church goers or not. A funeral is used to mark the end of a person’s life here on earth. Family and friends come together to express grief, give thanks for the life lived and commend the person into God’s keeping. This can be a small, quiet ceremony or a large occasion in a packed church.
Some deaths will be especially traumatic, distressing or unexpected. The Church has special funerals for children, or after sudden or violent deaths, including suicide. If this is the case, the Rector can talk to you about what is possible.
Things to think about
Some people find planning the funeral with family and friends helps in their grieving. Perhaps you already know something of what your loved one wanted. You may even have planned the service together some time ago. If you are uncertain the Rector can help you choose suitable readings and music. She will want to talk with you to build up a picture of your loved one’s life, this usually takes only one meeting but sometimes it can be more. When she visits, she can help you plan the service. Sometimes, friends or family members may wish to give their own tribute or share memories.
The service
The service will follow a clear plan. The focus moves from earth to heaven as the service moves from greeting the mourners, to remembering the one who has died all the while asking for God’s comfort and then committing your loved one into God’s care.
Entry of the coffin
The Rector will meet the coffin at the door and lead it in saying some reassuring words from the Bible, for example:
‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies,’ says the Lord (John 11:25).
‘For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ (Romans 8:38+9)
Welcome and Introduction
After the welcome and first prayer, there may be a hymn or a tribute to the person who has passed away. This can be done by family, friends or the Rector. You may choose to have symbols of the person’s life placed on or near the coffin as a part of this. Sometimes there is a prayer for forgiveness. It’s common to feel we have let a loved one down after they die, that there were things we could have done or should not have done. The prayer for forgiveness can help with these feelings.
Readings and Sermon
The Bible readings focus on God’s care and the hope of eternal life. In the sermon the Rector will speak of the Christian hope of life beyond death and relate it to your loved one.
Prayers
The funeral prayers recall the promise of the resurrection. They ask for God’s presence with those who mourn and give thanks for your loved one’s life. The prayers normally end with the Lord’s Prayer.
Commendation, Farewell and Commital
The Rector will say a prayer to commend the person to God’s love and mercy. Then the body is ‘committed’ for burial or cremation.
We now commit his/her body to the ground; earth to earth , ashes to ashes, dust to dust:
in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life…
The committal prayer might be said in church, or at the graveside, or in a crematorium as the curtains close around the coffin. It will be a very emotional time, a clear ‘Goodbye’ to your loved one for this life.
The Burial
In Christian tradition the funeral ends with a burial of either the coffin or ashes. If you have chosen a cremation you may bury the ashes in the churchyard, or use the crematorium’s Garden of Remembrance. The ashes may be buried a few days after the funeral with a very brief service.
Churchyard Regulations
There are Churchyard Regulations to be followed for St Denys’ Northmoor and St Giles’ Standlake. There is no Churchyard at Yelford and in Stanton Harcourt burials now take place at the Parish Cemetary, which is run by the Parish Council and where different regulations apply.