Dear Friends,
- Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.’ This famous bible passage is often used in helping people to make their friendship or relationship work:
- do not let the sun go down on your anger? How does any friendship or relationship work? Whether that is between individuals, friendships, marriages, the way in which a community lives, or the way in which different parts of the church exist together.
Well, firstly we recognise that we are all different, and the way we behave matters. St Paul says ‘be angry, but do not sin’. Any relationship can be difficult. But there is an important difference between anger and sin. We would do well to notice that. We are not meant to be robots, or like Al – Siri and Alexa – always polite (!). Neither is it healthy to let our anger boil over until someone is afraid, or to the extreme as we have seen on our screens with the recent far right race riots. Rather we were made to feel a whole range of emotions and express them healthily.
So when we are angry with a friend, a spouse or family member, something in our nation or wider world or in the church, what do we do with that? What do you do with it? Hold that thought.
Now I want to make us think of something really quite important. When someone knows they are dying, it is common for them to want to either say or write down the things that are really important to them. St Augustine died in the 5th century, but a letter that he wrote when he was at the end of his life talked about anger. e wrote:
‘we must watch lest hatred of any one gain a hold upon the heart … For anger habitually cherished against any one becomes hatred… anger can rapidly grow from a mere sapling to a strong tree…’ Augustine goes on to tell us to orientate our frustration, our anger, into prayer. To talk with God each and every day – throughout the day. This keeps our account with him short.
St Paul also reminds us to talk to one another as well as with God. To keep communication open with one another – having the grace to listen well – not trying to force our own agendas or opinions. The old saying ‘we have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak’ is good advice. Putting the above into practice helps to keep our relationships with one another healthy as well as our relationship with God. We keep short accounts with God and with one another, not letting anger have a foothold so that it festers and grows like Augustine said ‘from a sapling to a strong tree’. All of our relationships now are imperfect, because they are shadows, sketches, of what will be. We live our lives with that in mind – our future and eternal home. So let’s do our best not to let the sun go down on our anger, not allowing it to get a foothold in our hearts, lest it suffocates our joy. Instead let’s communicate well, and let the light in. Let the Light of the World in.
Revd Jo